Alls unfair in love and war…
October 26, 2009

You’d think I’d be smarter than this, but you’re sadly mistaken.

Alright it started, what, a week or so ago? Idk, it feels like a week ago. I’m not sure.

Anyhow, I was hangin out with Janelly like normal right, and then Nick came over. He was being normal towards me (it was the day he and that Alicia chick broke up) and then Janelly had to go in and get something. Well when she left (i was sitting next to him) he kissed me in a suprise attack.

I’m all like 😮 but I kissed him back, then he stopped kissing me and was like ‘This doesn’t mean we’re dating’ and I’m like ‘okay’. So then he kissed me again, then stopped, then he started making out with me.

All this started and ended in about five minutes.

Then I said I had to leave so Janelly made him leave too. Naturally, he walked me home. So he kissed me, then kissed me, then kissed me AGAIN but this time he said…

‘Friends with benefits? Yes? No?’ and my smart self said ‘Yes’. Then we got to the fence right before ours paths went in separate directions. He kissed me goodbye, and I just walked home.

I felt really bad about that, because to me ‘friends with benefits’ means using someone for a physical relationship. I told him I felt like i was being used and that i was only an option and his EXACT words were…

‘Im not using you for kisses, because that sounds retarded. However you are just an option, but that isnt necessarily a bad thing, considering it means you have a chance.’

That somehow changed my mind, so I decided to keep things the way they were. Plus, I got free kisses ^.^

Wellllll…now my story comes to today. I went over Janelly’s and he said he would come over if I came to get him. I told him to meet me halfway, so he did. When he saw me, he gave me a tiny peck on the lips and whispered ‘thats all you get’ and we walked. I was kind of disappointed.

Anyways, when we got to Janelly’s, he was apparently in some kind of asshole mood, because he was pissing me off nonstop, like just talking about things that he normally wouldn’t over texts (other girls and shit like that) but me being the quiet girl I am, didn’t say anything about it.

Then, he ditched Janelly and I for Kim and Nina (hoes.)

Whatever, I don’t even want to talk to him right now, but I know I’ll end up doing it anyways, because self-destroyal is my latest hobby.

:/

‘Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything.’

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Stay young <3
October 9, 2009

“Being able to act like a tard with you means the world to me”

I love my friends. Love them to death. I cant believe how fast time is going, its so freaky and insane. I love life right now, even though Nick is being a very confused young boy. I dont really care right now, because life goes by too fast to take it slow. Im so sentimental and Im so overwhelmed.

Having a slight identity crisis, like I feel the need to dye my hair different colors and just change, which is probably normal. But it’ll pass. When I go back in a couple months and read through my archives, I’ll be fine. Who knows, so much will have changed by then probably.

10.10.08, first day Nick and I went out the first time.

10.17.08 first time i broke up with him

12.16.08 we went out the second time, and i fell in utter and complete love.

It will be exactly a year since we went out the first time this coming Saturday.

So much has changed… 

I remember the first time I layed eyes on him ever in fifth grade. He was the new kid sitting at lunch playing his Gameboy, isolating himself from the world. I thought “Loser”. Too bad I didnt know that so-called loser would be the love of my life today who I kissed and he cheated on me and broke my heart.

So sad.

“and the people in the photographs look happier than you are…”

We all Roll Along- The Maine

Stuck in a comfortable pattern…Eh.
August 20, 2009

Im pretty much over the whole breakup issue, like it doesnt bother me anymore, I’m just not over him, like I cant stop thinking about him. I’ll get over it eventually though…always do -sigh-.

My life is getting boring, my friends feel that Im sane and emotionally stable enough to be left alone by now. So thats what theyre doing -_-. Theyre moving on with their busy lives while I sit at home, waiting for something interesting to happen.

I cant wait for school. Thats what I need in my life, a routine that keeps me occupied, not stuck in my room listening to music all day. School for me starts September 9th. Yay :] 3 weeks exactly.

I kinda want to join track in 8th grade, for like a hobby. A lot of my friends were in track in 7th grade, and I went to all of the at-home meets because Nick was on the team, and it looked like fun. Plus, Im kinda fast :] and my family will get off my back about playing sports.

Well I’m bored…Lets do a profile thingy xD

Time- 9:28pm EST on Aug 19th.

Eating- Nothing, well…air.

Drinking- Nothing.

Listening to- My Paper Heart- All American Rejects

Wearing- Blue tee shirt, Adidas shorts.

Feeling- Bored, exhausted, content.

Loving- Nick kinda, and my friends :] oh, and music.

Hating-Hmm…Nothing I can think of atm.

Wanting- Someone to text/IM/call/fall in love with -sheepish grin-, something to drink.

-Amy |:D|

P.S- Right after I typed the ‘wanting’ thing, someone texted me xD Nick best friend, Jesseth.  That was cool 😀

P.S.S- NOW NICKS IMING ME AND HE HASNT EVEN TALKED TO ME IN 2 WEEKS!!! WTH!!!!!! -tries to slow pounding heart-

Stuck in between “You Belong with Me” and “Goodbye”
August 4, 2009

AHHH!!! Nick and I broke up. I hate him. So much. Here’s how it when, play by play.

Wednesday-Hung out with Ashley, went by Nick’s house. He came out, and accidentally hit me in the head with his guitar, I said ‘ow, that hurt’ he said ‘thats nice’ (I know, youre thinking, ‘douchebag’, so was I) so I just stayed quiet and played guitar while him and Ashley talked. Then he gave Ashley one of his shirts and I asked if I could have one and he said no (WHAT THE FUCK!)

So we left and Ashley asked why I was so quiet then I said I felt like the end of Nick and I was coming, then she said she was texting him with lillian and lillian asked how things were going and he said “okay but im gunna break up with her soon so i can flirt with hot girls” (No fucking joke.) I decided I needed to end it.

Wednesday night- Asked nick if he loved me, and he said he didnt know. That just made my decision for me right there.

Thursday- Yanesa hid behind the bushes while Nick was there and we broke up. He wasnt sad. He deleted every pic of me off his phone while I was there, changed his text signature to ‘single’ and even talked to me about his “options” (chicks he wants to hit on) When he left, Yanesa held me when I cried.

Friday- Spent that day with Yanesa, trying to get over him.

Saturday- Nick decided to text me all day, and I was sad, so he told me I needed to move on and I told him it had only been 2 days, and hes like ‘whatever, let summer and life in general pass you by, youre not my problem anymore, goodnight’

Sunday- Almost got jumped. By Taylor (for those of you who dont know, shes the one Nick cheated on me with.) and a 17 year old chick. I told nick it was his fault and he said he hated me and didnt want to talk to me anymore. Called me later that night, told me he was sorry, that he was just pissed, and started talking about girls he liked and flirted with and who he had a chance with, who he didnt. When he hung up, I cried. I texted Gary and Cullen (my “big brothers” xD) and they each gave me pep talk. Love them both :]

Monday (today)- Nick called me and woke me up this morning to tell me he needed a life. Then I hung out with Jenna from 2-6. On the way back home, Nick and Sam (Cullen’s girlfriend) were walking together. Sam gave me a hug…Nick told me not to touch him.

So later tonight if Nick doesnt call me, first thing tomoro, I’m calling him and going off on his egotistic ass. If he wants to be my friend, treat me like a person, not a dog. He needs to die.

Then hard thing is, deep down, I still love him, and unlike him, I never stopped loving him. The first 5 months of our relationship were awesome. Thats the nick I miss.

So that explains the title- Stuck in between “You Belong with Me- Taylor Swift” and “Goodbye-Kristina DeBarge”

FML.